Toddler diaries 'Poo Poo glorious Poo'

Josh woke up this morning with sneezes. Said he didn’t want his cereal, but managed to force down three pieces of toast, so concluded it couldn’t be that serious! Then had to get ready for Rainbow kids which starts at 9.30am!! To get there on time requires military precision. Unfortunately, the privates in this army are singularly individualistic in character and don’t like following orders.. Made sure Joshua and Bethany were fully clothed, hair brushed, shoes on etc., changed and fed Caleb and was all set to go. Then realise that Joshua has changed into his Mr Incredible suit and taken his shoes off and that Bethany has completely stripped. Huge sigh and get everyone dressed again and am just about to leave when discover Bethany has done a huge poo. Bigger sigh, change Bethany’s nappy, remove the breast pads she has stuffed up her t-shirt to be like mummy, by which time Caleb is howling, feed Caleb again and eventually get out the door. I’ve only got a few months to perfect this operation and iron out the problems before I have to get Joshua to school every morning for 9am!! That could be interesting.

Pm began fairly peacefully, if you don’t count Bethany biting Joshua really hard on the arm. He has the bite marks and a big bruise to prove it. Just settle down to feed Caleb when Joshua plonks himself down next to me to do a poo on the potty. Rather pleasant aroma drifting pass my nose when Bethany starts removing nappy containing really yucky poo. Put Caleb down, shout at Bethany to stand still and not to touch anything. Remove offending article and replace with clean nappy. Child one sorted. Ask Joshua if he’s finished, he assures me he has, start wiping his bottom, when he shouts “mummy mummy there’s more coming out” - how delightful. Hurriedly replace Josh on potty to complete procedure. Wipe bottom for the second time and empty potty. Child two sorted. Oh wait a minute; Bethany’s taken off her nappy again. Put Bethany’s nappy back on and wash everyone’s hands.

Settle down to feed Caleb again, but can now hear the sound of water, not good. Go outside to investigate. Find Mr Incredible and Elastagirl covered in mud, water and sand. They are scooping up rainwater, sand and soil with flowerpots and throwing it at each other and the window. Remove sodden clothes and replace with clean ones.

Give Bethany a washing up bowl full of water to wash up her tea set, (yes I know this was a bad idea) Within a few minutes both Josh and Bethany are completely soaked again. Decide to run a nudist colony for the rest of the afternoon.

All I can say is thank goodness it’s Friday. Oh and hello to all Pippa’s friends.