Chuckers and Keepers
The process of preparing our move to Kenya has highlighted some interesting character differences in our marriage. I can't believe these didn't arise during our move out here. Maybe they did and I've just suppressed the memory...
The clearest difference can be depicted scientifically as follows:
I don't know how this works in your marriage, or for you as an individual, but from what I have seen people vary along the scale, with one person in each marriage on either side of the centre line. Neither of us is any way near the centre line!
This was marked this morning, when I was going through the book piles that Libby had categorised ("Definitely take", "Not sure", "Would very much like to chuck, but don't hold out much hope...") The following example is a simple test to place yourself on The Stuff Scale:
On the 3rd pile was Libby's somewhat dog-eared childhood Bible. I was aghast. "What's this?" I asked "Your childhood Bible is on the chuck pile. How can you chuck your childhood Bible. This is your childhood Bible we're talking about!"
Not a clue! "We have 10 Bibles, and that one's really knackered" she said.
Where do you stand? (Clue: if you have no idea what I am talking about, you are on the left!)
I came to the conclusion that in all this trans-global shifting I maintain my identity by carrying my stuff (i.e. my history) with me - which is why it is virtually impossible for me to chuck out anything that has had any meaning in my life (especially my 'sounds'). Libby on the other hand (and this is my guess) maintains her identity through her relationships with her family - which means while she could pretty much carry everything that has any meaning with her to Kenya in a small plastic bag, she would collapse if deprived of the oxygen of communication with her sisters for more than a few days. (My grounding in 'stuff' rather than relationships may explain why my brother and i have only spoken to each other about twice a year since we got here. Or maybe we just hate the telephone :) )
Nowt queer as folk, eh?
posted by Daniel & Libby @ 1:49 pm
4 comments
4 Comments:
Interesting post. Being a man (apologies to any men to who this stereotype does not apply) I am also not good on the communications front - speaking on the phone fairly rarely. However I'm towards the chuck end of the spectrum. If something hasn't seen use for a couple of years - then in my books it's unlikely to be used again in the future and should be given away/binned. I like stuff (particularly gadgets - another male stereotype?) but don't attach too much sentimentality to things unless they are things that are created by people I love - i.e letters and drawings by the kids etc. The latter I treasure and along with all the digital photos I would be most upset if they were lost in a fire.
I am fortunate in that Mel is also towards the chuck end of the spectrum - for us the problem is finding the time to have our ruthless clear outs. Nothing provides the opportunity like a house move though.
God bless you in all your moving preparations and in the pain of saying good byes.
Ant
For completeness sake, one ought to add that before you left, I'm not sure our conversations were any more frequent...
I think I'd be more of a chucker... So I guess I'm preserving my identity by not moving around :)
Let's be practical here. As a non-chucker of my stuff, well my books anyway, my advice to is to think 'which books would I one day like my children to read?' Those words written on paper may one day be obsolete due to e-books and don't think you'll be able to get them from libraries either because these institutions have a short-sighted pulping habit.Your books could become family treasures, but then again that's down to individual taste. Mmmmm, wouldn't rate those Stephen King books myself.....
I'm with you Daniel. I was forced to clear out the garage last year and it is now full again. Plus I've only spoken to my brother in Australia once in the past year....hmmm.
Steve
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