Sarah died this week. I still can't quite believe it. I keep expecting her to walk through the door or to wake up and realise that this is just some horrible nightmare, but it isn't. It has taken me from, in the most part, being a spectator of what is the tragedy of Africa, to being in the arena.
"In Africa you do not view death from the auditorium of life, as a spectator, but from the edge of the stage.. You feel perishable, temporary, transient. You feel mortal. Maybe that is why you seem to live more vividly in Africa. The drama of life there is amplified by its constant proximity to death. That's what infuses it with tension. It is the essence of its tragedy too. People love harder there. Love is the way that life forgets that it is terminal. Love is life's alibi in the face of death. For me the illusion of control is much easier to maintain in England or America. In this temperate world, I feel more secure, as if change will only happen incrementally..you live in the expectation of reaching old age". "When a Crocodile Eats the Sun, Peter Godwin.
This week I have felt truly loved and have been touched by all the e-mails, phone calls and Skye chats that have been sent to us by people here and in different parts of the world. What follows are some of the things that have helped me this week. I hope they will help you too with whatever you are going through.
First a story:From 'Just Courage by Gary Haugen.
"As a 10 year old boy Gary joined his father and two older brothers on an adventure trip to climb a large mountain in the Pacific northwest of the US. When they arrived at the nature reserve and visitor center at the foot of the climb the prospect of scaling that huge mountain was too much for the 10 year old. After much begging he was able to persuade his father to allow him to stay at the visitor center all day long while his father and two brothers climbed the mountain. Eight hours in the visitor center became very long and boring. The ‘loop’ videos describing the history of the mountain lost their excitement. Once he had read all the history and seen all the pictures multiple times, the visitor center lost all its appeal. He began to wonder if he had made the wrong decision by not joining the climb. His doubts were confirmed when his father and brothers returned, excitedly relating the story of their journey up the mountain. Young Gary realized that he had missed an opportunity of a lifetime to be on an adventure with his father and brothers.
The spiritual application of this story is clear. God calls us to go on the adventure with Him, whether that be to Africa or to something closer to home. The adventure includes risk, pain, great effort and personal sacrifice. Because of this, many people, in fact the vast majority of Christians, choose the comfort and security of the visitor center over the challenges of the adventure. Few choose the adventure. Few are willing to take the risks and make the sacrifices of the adventure with the Father. And yet the rewards of scaling the mountain with Him are beyond all we could ever ask or think" I encourage you to keep going with your adventure as I carry on with mine.
Judges 8 v 4 " Gideon and his three hundred men, exhausted yet keeping up the pursuit, came to the Jordan and crossed it"
There will be times when we feel emotionally and spiritually worn out, ready to give up- and yet, however we feel, we need to remember the example of that tiny army and press on anyway. We don't need to be surprised by seasons of tiredness and discouragement; and we need to remember that feelings aren't the final authority. Our minds and bodies might scream at us to take an easier path (in my case a plane home !!) but we pursue even though we're 'faint.' (adapted from Jeff Lucas)
...And having done all...stand.' Ephesians 6:13
Indeed, '...God is able to make [you] stand' (Romans 14:4 NKJV), not in your own strength, but the strength of Jesus Christ. By yourself you're an easy target, but in the strength of the Lord you can stand and not give in. So today when satan shows up with his temptations, announce that you're going to stand in Christ. Let him know you're going to stand until the shaking stops, until the wave of loneliness passes, until your marriage is restored, until you come out of debt, until the struggle is over, until the tempter loses his power to trap or topple you. When you do the standing - God does the strengthening! Paul said, 'I can do all things through Christ which strengthen me' (Philippians 4:13). Note the word 'strengthen.' He won't just strengthen you once, he'll do it again and again. He'll strengthen you every time you face a difficult challenge, every time a memory comes back to torment you, every time you're reminded of your imperfect past, every time you face a difficult situation. Drawing from God the strength you need to stand up to the enemy will take effort. It will take your praise, your prayer, your getting into His Word with an intensity you never had before. But the truth is - you can stand if you want to!
