Sweetness and light

As yesterday's blog, being a list of things that really get up my nose, was rather relentlessly negative, I thought I should balance things out somewhat today, and present the 'opposite' side. So here goes:

A list of things that really come out of my nose:

• bogies

[sorry to lower the tone, I just couldn't resist!]

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Libby seemed to cope well with her first day of "Oh help, I'm on my own with three kids". She managed to get to the shops with the double buggy, and the kids all behaved in exemplary fashion (almost). Obviously Joshua is only naughty when I'm around - I guess the attention-seeking hypothesis must be true. I'd better try harder.

His only naughtiness today was helping himself to two kitkats from the unpacked shopping. However, as he did this while doing an unprompted poo on his potty, he just about got away with it!

Libby also broke the 'post-caesarian rules', by carrying Bethany upstairs to bed, and lifting Joshua out of a box in which he had got himself stuck. [According to the leaflet, she shouldn't be doing these until 3 months!]

She also managed to cook tea (in time for my return home!) by holding Caleb in the sling - which she seems to have got the hang of. He slept the whole time!

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Tomorrow I shall try to give you a proper 'good' list. I'm about to fall asleep now, so I'd betteeeeeeee nlkkkkkkkkkk[ ccfdjz'#pzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Blogs and such like

Thank you to Libby for hosting the blog yesterday. I am refuelled, and ready to blog.

I'd first like to direct you to an impressive piece of clever artwork, courtesy of my brother. I am truly (fairly) impressed. You can't even see the cracks!

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As I'm sure for many of you, this is your first brush with blogdom, I hear much "Wot ees thees blog of wich yoo speek". I will elucidate, in the words of blogger.com:

What is a blog?

A blog is a personal diary. A daily pulpit. A collaborative space. A political soapbox. A breaking-news outlet. A collection of links. Your own private thoughts. Memos to the world.

Your blog is whatever you want it to be. There are millions of them, in all shapes and sizes, and there are no real rules.

In simple terms, a blog is a web site, where you write stuff on an ongoing basis. New stuff shows up at the top, so your visitors can read what's new. Then they comment on it or link to it or email you. Or not.

Since Blogger was launched, almost five years ago, blogs have reshaped the web, impacted politics, shaken up journalism, and enabled millions of people to have a voice and connect with others.

And we are pretty sure the whole deal is just getting started.

For those of you are fairly confident around computers, there is a link further down on the right to get you started.

For those of you who still have a sneaking suspicion that pressing the wrong combination of keys will inadvertently prematurely precipitate Mr Bush's adventures in Iran (or some other hapless country in the axis of evil) you may wish to get someone else to help.

[For those of you who are Gary Sims, well I guess you already know how to suck eggs]

Please don't all rush to get blogs at once, however, because otherwise, as Libby points out, we'll all spend all our time doing nothing but reading each other's blogs!

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As this is my own 'personal soapbox', here are a few things that really get up my nose:

• Perfectly good brand new toys/books given to my children being reduced to useless tat within a matter of seconds
• Margarine tubs being only 87.5% full
• Walker's crisps: what was wrong with the colours the way they were - at least it made sense, and you knew which were salt and vinegar, and which were cheese and onion - now what? [and while we're at it, all those other well-loved, well-established brands which change their name for no conceivable reason- I mean what's wrong with 'The Post Office'/'Royal Mail' - its just plain bad marketing to throw all that history away]
• People leaving the milk out
  
• Joshua, instead of using a tissue to wipe his nose, preferring to wipe it on any available piece of furniture, or the carpet [I guess at least he's being good in not wiping it on his sleeve, but I mean, the dining room table...]
• I hate to mention it, but people leaving more than two strips of toilet roll hanging down. And also, the toilet roll being hung the wrong way round (that is, hanging down the inside, rather than the outside). And while we're at it, people squeezing the toothpaste tube from the middle rather than (correctly) from right at the thin end..

[I think I'd better stop digging now, as its all beginning to sound a bit 'anal', as Libby would say]

• But while we're about it, the mangling of the English language using words like 'anal' in such out of context ways; and even worse the use of 'non-words' like "mingin'" (if you don't know, don't ask). I just hate that word!!!

If I sound rather bad tempered, its because although you are only reading this post once, I've had to write it three times. The first time the website lost it all because I had logged out to obtain the above quote; and the second time Bethany switched the computer off on the wall half way through!

You're lucky there's anything to read at all. How I suffer for my art...

[I'm actually really nice to live with, honest. You can ask Libby. Actually, maybe you'd better not, just in case...]

Arrrgh. I also hate Bethany filling up the floppy drive with loose change. Where are my tweezers again...

Libby speaks...

My husband says he is devoid of inspiration this morning, so has asked that I write the blog in his stead. I can't say that I'm particularly inspired but I'll give it a whirl. Can I first say that I have had nothing to do with previous blog entries, so all credit (or otherwise) goes to Daniel. I generally read the blog on line in the morning to find out what I've done or said the previous day. It can be very enlightening!

Life goes by in a bit of a bleary-eyed blur at the moment accompanied by a strong background odour of poo. It's a rollercoaster ride, which last years rather than minutes, of nappies, feeding, watching Barney, responding to Joshua's demands of a schedule for the day, where we're going, what we're doing and when and what are we doing after that, oh and he needs a poo, and can we watch Barney again and where's Woody (cowboy toy) and can he have some crisps and can I make up his railway track and no Bethany doesn't want to wear jeans she wants the pink sparkly trousers on, and no she hasn't done a poo, it must be daddy, even though the smell enters the room, 10 minutes before she does, and can we watch Barney again!! I frequently want to get off this ride, usually around 4 o'clock in the afternoon when Joshua asks me if I'm going crazy. The answer is generally yes.

The funny thing is, even though toddlers drive you crazy, as soon as they're in bed, all the difficulties of the day seem to evaporate, and you remember all the cute things they said or did, and wonder why you found it so hard. I love listening to the strange little conversations they have between themselves. Bethany sees Joshua as an authority on most subjects, and sways towards his interpretation of the world rather than mine.

Bethany: "I need medicine for my batteries"
Joshua: "There're no batteries in your tummy, it's just full of bones... like a doggy"

Well, I'd better go now, Barney awaits and I haven't watched it for at least 10 minutes.

P.S. Thanks for the hat, mum

Photo bonanza

Apologies for the lack of blog yesterday. I was feeling rather under the weather yesterday, and woke up this morning with, as the French might say, "les squits". I have struggled from my sick bed today, so as not too disappoint my fans two days in a row. (Actually, I'm pretty much fine now!)

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As the digital camera is not going to be in our house much longer, I thought I'd treat you to a photo treat. [It also saves me having to think too hard]

For the sake of equity, I include photos of all three (actually, its because the other two look well cute when they're asleep!)

This last photo shows Caleb's third bath (he's almost caught up with his paternal grandfather!) Despite protesting vigorously almost every time he is disrobed, he likes the bath and floats happily.

Hopefully I will be more rested and inspired tomorrow.

Existence

The deed is done. We have registered the birth, and Caleb now officially exists. According to the TV last night, 48 million children around the world are not registered anywhere, and do not therefore exist. (don't ask me why this bit is underlined, it just is)

This poses some interesting metaphysical questions (which are more my brother's domain). In the abortion debate, there are varying views as to when a child 'exists' as a child. I'm not sure that any pro-abortionists would argue 42 days after birth, but I believe that certain South American governments have a policy of 'terminating' unregistered children. For someone who didn't exist, Caleb sure had a big impact over the last two weeks!

The top 100 names for boys and girls were posted on the wall of the Registry Office. I noticed that Caleb (which we thought was a fairly 'normal' name) is not, and has not been for the last few years at least, in the top 100. Curiously, Kai, which was what he narrowly avoided being called, was number 61 in 2004 (and we thought that was fairly way out!)

Even more popular was 'Kion', which I can't say I've ever come across before. Louis was also very popular (around 30 I think), but I couldn't help wondering how many of the parents meant to call their child (and probably do) Lewis!

For those who are interested in these things, Jack and Emily were at number 1, and have been for ages.

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Happy St Lazare's day!

We have a French calendar, which tells us the 'Saint of the day'. Yesterday was St Isabelle's day, which incidentally (or not) was what Caleb would have been if he had been a girl. Isabelle Sierra (think Nevada/Grande/Madre, not Cosworth.)

I am fairly safe in spilling this particular bean, as the chances of her ever coming to pass are non-existent to none.

Maybe I should just have a sad little celebration every 21st February...

[This is not emotional blackmail, because, as Libby points out, even if we were to have another, which we are not, there is no guarantee it would even things out anyway.]

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Libby forgot to take her pain relief last night, which is obviously a good sign. She can't drive yet, or lift Joshua or Bethany (but then, few can), but otherwise she is almost ship-shape (in a manner of speaking!) Hopefully she'll be up to coping with three by next week - I have to say, I'm not sure I ever would be!

I'm not sure if its trying to get back the share of the parental attention which has been diluted, but Joshua has upped the naughty stakes in the last few days. Yesterday he decorated the dining room table with felt pen drawings, and this morning he came downstairs adorned with a perfectly executed mascara-beard. If I hadn't thought it would send the wrong signals, I would have taken a picture to show you.

It even had a neat little moustache. I don't think he even used a mirror...

It's particularly difficult as a parent when naughty is so funny.

The dining-table drawings were also some of the best he's ever done. I even think one of them might have been me.

I wonder if there's some deep psychological significance in that...

I'll have to ask Ben.

Snow.Thanks.Margarine

We had snow here today! I use the word 'had' advisedly, as like most British snow, it was a case of "Oh look, there's some snow. Oh, its gone". Joshua and Bethany were very excited, and enjoyed looking out our bedroom window at the snowscape. They also enjoyed hurling indignant protests at the schoolboys outside our house 'stealing' the snow off our cars for their snowballs - mercifully unheard through the triple glazing!

We're now looking forward to next year's snow.

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We would like to give a big thank you to all those who have sent cards and/or presents. We will hopefully get round to thanking you all individually, but you know how it is...

All much appreciated.

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Upon opening our new 1 kg tub of Bertoli Lucca ("the new name for Olivio") this morning I noticed that the 'waterline' was considerably lower than I would have expected. Being of a somewhat suspicious turn of mind, I promptly placed the tub on the kitchen scales: 875 grams!! That's 12.5% theft!

In common with most injustices in this world, this event was sufficient to get me fairly riled, but not quite enough to break through my apathy to get me to do anything about it. The thing is, in this particular instance there isn't much point in doing anything - as the 'harm' done to me is not as much as the hassle it would entail in trying to do something to put it right.

This is the kind of thing where you just wish people would do their jobs properly in the first place...

But then it does represent (hang around, just let me check the receipt...)

OK, 27p. I thought it'd be more than that. Never mind.


...or I could ring 0800 61 60 30 9.00am - 5.00 pm (call free monday to friday calls may be recorded).

Hey wow, what a great job - "I work on the margarine hotline"


OK, I'm rambling now. Must be time to give my full attention to ER.

Why?

The 'why' phase in small children is well documented, but frankly the sooner Joshua gets there the better. At the moment, neither he nor Bethany has any conception of the word 'why', which makes it very difficult (and frustrating) when trying to extract the reason for something from him, he just acts as though the word doesn't exist:

Daddy: "Joshua, which library book do you want to read?"
Joshua: (eagerly) "The shopping one!"
Daddy: "Why do always want to read that one!"
Joshua: "Yes"
Daddy: (rephrasing) "No, I mean why do like that one so much?"
Joshua: "Yes"
Daddy: (struggling) "No, no, why do you like it?
Joshua: "Yes"
Daddy: "Argggh"
(pause while trying to insert hair back in head)
Daddy: "OK, where is it..."

I'm sure when he finally gets it, and asks 'why?' about every single tiny thing on God's earth, I'll wish for the good old days of 'what?', but at the moment it does my head in.


Calm down calm down. It could be worse.

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Caleb has just had his second bath, and seemed to enjoy it. It has had the unexpected side effect of turning his head into a fluffy hedgehog! Its unbelievably soft and cuddly, but incredibly difficult to capture on camera - but we try...mm(by the way, the sock on his hand is to stop him scratching his face, not because we are sartorially challenged!)

[The poor boy, we can't afford to buy him gloves]

Congratulations!

Further to my list started yesterday, congratulations to Dave and Vicky Beckham, who had Cruz earlier today. (Presumably so named, because they were on one when he was conceived. Maybe someone should do them a favour, and tell them its not spelt that way...)

I know, it was a cheap shot, but too good to pass up!
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May I direct your attention to the 'Cash for a Month' challenge. If you haven't read 'The Money Secret' yet, take my advice: Buy it, Read it; Do it (and then tell someone else!) It could seriously change your life.
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Today the sides came off Bethany's cot-bed, as she is too heavy for Libby to lift out. It was about three seconds after we closed the door, before Joshua's anguished cry of "Help, Mummy, she's in my bed!" After dire threats of 'direct action', she seems to have settled down.

Joshua takes his first solo adventure tomorrow, when he goes to the 'baby gym' with a friend from church. He seems totally unfazed that we won't be going with him. Long may it continue - obviously not my genes!


Whoa, its late!

Case 3654: "The pox"

Bethany has at last succumbed to the "pickin' pox", and to make up for the delay it has struck with a vengeance. The photos do not do her justice, as she is covered from head to knee with spots (from the knee downwards she is remarkably unscathed). She is currently sitting on my lap, using my beard as a scratching post for her head.

We now have to work out how to entertain two and a half small people for the day without exposing the masses to infection.
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Caleb and Libby had their final midwife check yesterday. Caleb is growing nicely, and has now 'shot past' his birthweight, having reached 7 lb 4.4 oz. Libby, hopefully, is going in the opposite direction! She is now 'discharged', and will only see the health visitor from now on.

Bethany was rather upset to see the midwife leave, as she was hoping for a turn on the 'skateboard' (the baby scales resting on the floor!)

Caleb remains a fairly easy baby, despite his cold (which frequently makes him sneeze up enormous green boogers). It just means that whenever he feeds, he sounds like a pig hunting for truffles!

Wendy has left us now, and we are once again left to fend for ourselves. It now feels pretty much the same as it did before. We watched the latest episode of ER last night, and then went to bed early. I imagine that the level of disruption in our lives is considerably lower than it is for my brother and his wife (and all the other 'first-timers). I mean, its a long time since we had a life anyway...

Speaking of first timers, this is obviously the 'year of the baby' in the Chinese calendar. We know of hordes of babies on the way this year. The register so far is:

• TJ & Narisa had Daniel at the beginning of January (quality name choice there)
• Ben and Lucia had Kalia on 3rd February
  
• Dave and Jackie Camfield had Joanna on the same day (not first time for them!)
• We had Caleb on the 9th February - the cutest so far (!)
  

I'll keep you updated as and when.
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Anyway, I suppose I'd better go and get dressed, and think of something to do with these children.


[With regard to my remarks yesterday, please see the comments thereto, which present the 'true picture' (sort of!)]

The absence of blog

Apologies for the lack of posting yesterday. I had/have a wretched cold, and couldn't really be bothered. Unfortunately, Caleb also has a cold, so we didn't have the best night. I am just downstairs, while Libby gets "5 minutes lying how she wants to lie". Caleb is lying on my lap, pulling the most extraordinary windy faces. One day I must manage to catch them on video.

Wendy leaves us this afternoon, so then the hard labour really starts. My challenge today is to get all the work I need to get done before taking next week off, finished by 3.15 so I can get home by the time she leaves. This will truly be a feat.

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As I have a few minutes to spare, here's a thing. Doctors get £50 for each death certificate they sign. Now, in my profession, that would be called a conflict of interests. I don't really like the thought of some cash-strapped junior doctor, with huge university debts, and facing today's house prices looking at me with £ signs in his eyes. Especially now they don't have to swear the Hippocratic oath anymore...

Nothing personal, it just seems a bit strange to me.

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That's enough controversy for one day. Feel free to comment!

Science in action

In the interests of science, I measured all our head circumferences today, the results being as follows:

• Daniel - 57cm
• Libby - 56.5cm
• Joshua - 52.5cm
• Bethany - 49.5cm
• Caleb - 34.5cm

(feel free to rush out and buy tape measures to compare)

This being represented graphically on the axes Circumference/Age looks thus:



And if you were to represent said circumferences graphically, as a circle (because measuring the circumference of an oval is way too hard), the result is seen thusly:

Which I think is a fascinating piece of science.

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As you may have guessed, not a lot has happened today.

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Katie (Libby's mum) has just left, and we would like to thank her publicly for all her help over the last week, and some. We really do appreciate it. She has been replaced (loosely speaking) by Wendy (Libby's sister), who will hang around here until Friday. After that, we're on our own folks.

Hooray....

[only joking]

Caleb continues to be a good baby (or we continue to be good parents, depending on your point of view) feeding and sleeping in roughly equal measure, with occasional lively spells. He particularly enjoyed watching Winnie the Pooh on TV this morning, and sat (with help) riveted. They start so young these days. when I was a boy, we didn't even have a TV, and we counted ourselves lucky...

I don't know, the youth of today.

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Like my brother, we have also brought a baby sling. Still struggling to get to grips with it a bit, as Caleb appears to be either about to fall out, or disappears totally, as if into a black hole. Neither seems particularly ideal.

Oh well. www.babypouch.co.uk if you're interested.

Oh look, I've just noticed you can change the colour of the text. How cool.

By the way, in case you didn't know, you are currently in the 'blogosphere' - interesting things you learn on Radio 4.

Better go. Libby is getting slightly fed up of not seeing me. I'm sure you'll understand. I have to give her priority. [You can't reach me from where you are...]

It's life, Caleb, but not as we know it

Last night was quite a good night. With the help of a newly acquired dummy, Caleb went to sleep by himself in his cot around 10.30ish, and stayed there until 02.22. He then woke up for a feed; a wind; a nappy change; a voluminous (in both senses) poo; another nappy change; another feed; then dummy..dummy......dummy........
CRY!, feedfeedfeed, and then sleep/feed/sleep/feed/sleep in mummy and daddy's bed from around 03.15 until gone 7.00am

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I've heard it said that 'the past is another country'. As far as I'm concerned, 2 o'clock in the morning is a whole different universe. Everything is kind of blurry round the edges and moves in slow motion. Soundwaves travel at about one hundredth their usual speed. Conversations are totally unlike conversations in the real world. They go something like this:

Libby: "I think he needs his nappy changing"
(long pause)
Daniel: "Uh-huh, yeah"
(long pause)
Libby: "I really think he needs his nappy changing"
(shorter pause)
Daniel: "Hum, yep"
(much shorter pause)
Libby: "If you change his nappy now, he might settle down and go to sleep in his own cot"
(fairly short pause, as options weighed up)
Daniel: "Yep, sure"
(no pause)
Libby: "Well are you going to get up and change his nappy or not, 'cause I can't do it!" (pause)
Daniel: "Ummmm...what"
Libby: "His nappy!"
Daniel: "Oh, yeah, I'm working on it"
Libby: "The stuff's down stairs"
(pause)
Daniel: "Just a minute, I'm almost there"
(pause)
Libby: (opens mouth to speak again)
Daniel: "OK, I'm getting up"
(pause while Daniel heaves himself out of bed, struggles to stand upright, and looks around for dressing gown in which to wrap himself before venturing down to the icy depths of 'downstairs'. Finally, being suitably enrobed, looks blearily at Libby):
Daniel: "What am I doing again......"

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My wife in her weak and enfeebled post-operative state managed, today, the following:

• to clean the bathroom
• to clean the kitchen floor
• to wash up
• to cook the tea
• to cook a rather delicious pudding to accompany aforementioned tea
• to make my lunch for tomorrow
• to sleep on the settee with Caleb in her arms for 2 hours
  
• to feed Caleb approximately 764.5 (discrete, if not discreet) times

I reckon in about a week she'll be fit enough to start thinking about having another one...

[I hasten to point out on pain of losing all conjugal rights for the rest of my natural life that the last line was an attempt at humour and that I will never suggest/attempt/mention/comment or in any way bring about the thought that there may ever be any further members of the D.R.Simkins family, so help me God].

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As promised yesterday, I display below the picture of Caleb in the cardigan kindly knitted by my mother, for which we are very grateful. I'll let you draw your own conclusions as to Caleb's thoughts on the garment...

Caleb and the cardigan that Grandma knitted


[I hasten to point out on pain of losing all possible rights to a maternal inheritance that the last line was an attempt at humour, and in no way meant to suggest that Caleb was in any way anything but absolutely enraptured by the garment.....]

!

Only joking!

I wouldn't deprive all you blog-addicts of your fix, 'cause I know you all depend on me.

The reason I am posting late is that I've spent most of the evening buying a printer for my sister-in-law (so Rachel, if you're reading this, £199.05 please.) I've settled on a Dell 'All-in-one', as Dell have served me fairly well at work. You really wanted to know all that didn't you.

Anyway, things are trundling along here. I was back at work today, propped up in my chair, occasionally trailing my fingers over the keyboard to simulate work, vainly trying to see the screen through my bleary eyes. Actually, it wasn't quite that bad. Although Caleb wakes up fairly regularly for a feed, we do manage to sleep during/in-between feeds. Although our sleep is broken, it is at least sleep. Its worse for Libby than me (surprising though that my seem!), as her pain medication seems to be least effective at night, and she finds getting into the 'feeding position' painful, and because Caleb needs to be always in the middle, we end up playing musical beds, depending on which side we're feeding on (that's the royal we.)

He tends to stay in our bed, as putting him back in his basket always seems to wake him up, and we have to start again!

We explained to Joshua that mummy was a 'bit sad' because her tummy was very sore. He said, "Why mummy, doesn't the doctor like you any more?"!

I was going to post a picture of Caleb in his new cardigan, but:

Error

We apologize for the inconvenience, but we are unable to process your request at this time. Our engineers have been notified of this problem and will work to resolve it.

so you'll have to wait 'til tomorrow.

I'd better go now, as my blog-widow has had enough of being pee'd, poo'd and puked on for one evening...

Blog fatigue

I was pondering when I started this exercise, how long it would last. i.e. when does blog fatigue hit, and does it get the blogger or the bloggees first? From the look of my brother's blog, it kicks in fairly shortly after the baby arrives home!

In his case, the baby arrived home around lunch time on the 9th Feb, and the last entry in his blog to date is 11th Feb.

Based on this evidence, given that Caleb came home at lunch time on Friday, I should get fed up with this blog about no.................... .........................................................

Home, Sweet Home

[The baby has really landed!]

Yes, after her whistlestop caesarean experience (approx 52.75 hours hospital time) Libby is back home, with the new small person. She is still very sore (especially just before her next fix is due) but much happier being at home.

Caleb appears to be a fairly contented baby, as long is he is well (and frequently) topped up! In fact we were thinking last night that looking after a new baby (except for Libby's infirmities) is rather a doddle. There are several potential explanations for this phenomenon:

• we had so built how up difficult it was going to be in our minds that the reality appears easy
• we have been blessed with an exceptionally easy baby
• looking after a new baby is actually easier than looking after a two and three year old
• after recent practice on the last two, we are actually amzaingly gifted parents; God's gift to parenting, in fact
• he's just biding his time, to give us a false sense of security, and then he'll throw everything he's got at us

I like to feel that it's number 4, but have a sneaking suspicion its number 5!

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Bethany is very keen on 'Caleb baby', but hasn't quite got the hang of 'gentle' or 'quiet'. Joshua is a bit more stand-offish, but did say to Libby "Thank you for having a boy, Mummy", so we think he is secretly quite pleased, if less of a baby person.

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Its strange how your children turn into little carbon copies. Just the other day, Joshua turned round to Libby and said "Calm down, stop stressing. You're driving me crazy"! But then again, not everything that he says came from us. Yesterday, after passing some particularly resounding wind, he said to me, "Its OK Daddy, its not a poo, its just an 'oink', you know, like a pig". To be fair, it was a fairly apt description, but not one I think I've ever used!

Anyway, the Mummy has awaked. Must dash...

Today's the day...

Medical professionals willing, the one that left on Wednesday should return as two today! Libby is recovering well, and is up and about (albeit slowly) and Caleb appears to be fine. There doesn't seem to be a problem with his appetite - except keeping up with it! He required topping up with the evil bottle yesterday - he drank 55ml in one sitting though, so you have to have some sympathy. (To put that in perspective, Joshua started with 30ml a go, and he was 2lb heavier - Caleb's obviously trying to catch up!)

Post-caesarian, the milk takes a little longer to come down anyway, so its only temporary (at least, that's what they're telling me.)

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Sorry that there are no more photos yet. We're having some trouble getting to grips with my father-in-law's digital camera. It has the unfortunate habit of showing you one picture on the LCD, but then taking a different picture due to the time delay. And needless to say, it never takes a better picture than the one you were intending.

In addition, it seems to have difficulty focusing on Caleb's face. So we have lots of nice crisp shots of his blanket.

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I stayed up rather late last night, finishing 'The Fellowship of the Ring'. It was OK, but I'm not sure I'd have given it all those Oscars and BAFTA's. Sean Bean in particular didn't really manage to shake off the Sean Bean.

I had another fairly peaceful night - joined by Joshua at 3.00am ('monsters'), and Bethany at 6.30-ish ('morning'). They tickled each other for half an hour, before being removed by Granny to give me my final 'peaceful' morning.

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After what I said above, I've just downloaded the latest batch from the camera, and here's a first:

Family of five!

A clarification...

...for those that I texted yesterday letting them know that Caleb ? Simkins had been born, who may have concluded that we had been adversely affected by irregular sunspot activity.

The ? was intended to imply that we had not yet decided on a middle name, rather than to give the impression that we had gone all pop-star, and that the poor child would go through life with the unfortunate moniker of 'Caleb Question-mark Simkins'.

The middle-name conundrum is still, as yet, unresolved. After careful thought in bed (very quiet) this morning, I have narrowed it down to names with three (or maybe four) syllables, to give the complete name the correct meter.

I did consider putting the naming up for tender (you know 'Answers on a postcard to "Name That Baby Competition, PO Box WHO?, London, WA5 'I5 N4ME"), but I thought Libby may not be best pleased. We'd also be pathologically unable to use any name put forward by someone else (sorry mum!)

So, watch this space...

(well, not this space, but a similar looking space somewhere due north of this one)

Caleb again...

...and again!

More where that came from!

[Caleb again]

The Baby Has Landed!!!

[Caleb Simkins - at 12.50 (ish) Wednesday, 9th February 2005]

Please give a warm hand to Caleb Simkins, who left the mothership at 10.06 this morning! He weighed in at 6 lb 12.5 oz (or 3.08 kg for you foreigners!) Unfortunately they don't measure the length here, so we can't make a comparison with his cousin Kalia (who is coming home today.)

It all went fairly swimmingly, and Libby and Caleb are both doing fine.

I am fairly proud of myself as I went down the 'wrong end' for a bit, and cut the cord, and captured the whole thing on video! So for those of you who like that kind of thing - it should be released in the shops shortly!

Everyone can feel free to send cards, flowers, gifts, money etc if they so wish! All visitors welcome (preferably with notice.) Libby should be coming home on Saturday.

I will update with more when I can think of something else witty to say...

Happy Baby-Eve!

It's feels strange to say it, but we're going to have a baby tomorrow! To me it feels a bit like Christmas Eve, but more exciting. For Libby, I think she feels like Guy Fawkes on the 4th November! As she says, she's going to be leaving the kids, staying in a hospital she doesn't want to be in; have major abdominal surgery; have to look after a new baby; she could die; she could haemorrhage; she could end up a paraplegic; there could be something wrong with the baby...

Guess which one of us is the optimist?!

(Guess which one of us has to have the baby?!)

So to cheer herself up, she's been watching Holby City [a medical drama for the non-UK/non-TV people] and is now watching a documentary on babies born with disfigurement. To take her mind off things, apparently.

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If my wife was a little more compliant, I would consider going into the baby business full time. The business plan is as follows:

Income: Baby tax credit = £545 p.a.
Additional family allowance = £574.60 p.a.
Total income= £1,119.60 p.a.

Expenses: First year cost of marginal baby (based on baby 2) = (£768.16 p.a.)

Net profit (note, profit) = £351.44

Unfortunately, the lead time per baby would probably be prohibitive (not to mention the intangible costs, and the depreciation of the productive assets!)

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For those of you of the praying persuasion (which I hope is all of you!) we are going in at 8.00 am tomorrow, and are the only elective caesarian on the list. So depending on whether there are any inconsiderate emergencies, we could have a baby fairly rapidly.

If I can get a grip on the technology, I will post some photos ASAP.


I will leave you with the words of Martin Smith:

"When it's all crashing down on you
When there's nothing you can do
There is someone who can carry you

Every little thing's gonna be alright..."

The Wonders of Modern Technology

[The most recent photo of the Simkins family (circa September 2003)]

And there you have it! Us, live on the web (well almost live). It's remarkable to think that within a few hours of our baby being born (provided I get a grip) its photo will be available to all and sundry, all around the world. I guess, 10 years ago it would have taken maybe a couple of weeks; 50 years ago possibly a couple of years; and 100 year ago, maybe never!

Technology does have some advantages, I guess.
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I was particularly chuffed this weekend to procure (courtesy of Blockbusters' desire to dispose of their entire stock of videos to all and sundry) a copy of the first in the "Lord of the Rings" series. Still in its cling film, and for the princely sum of £1.00!!

That's not entirely accurate. It was actually £1.99 each, or 3 for £3.00. So we actually obtained "The Fellowship of the Ring", "Sooty's Elastic Tricks", and "Rainbow and Rod Jane & Freddy: Bumper Special" for the special price of £3.00. Thus, if you were to measure the value by the number of times the video will be watched - then we have got hold of mega-bargains. However, if you factor in the effect on our mental well-being, maybe not...
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Libby visited the hospital today to be 'monitored' and to meet the anaesthetist (look no spellcheck!)*. She is glad to discover that she has only a 1 in 12,000 chance of ending up with paraplegia. Very reassuring, I'm sure.

However, on a brighter note, as Libby points out, in the year's when she gives birth (which, in this millenium, is half of them) we are recovering at least all the tax we have paid in the form of medical help. Apparently a Caesarian 'costs' between £3K and £10K (or something). Almost worth suffering tax for!

Almost.
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Which reminds me, I must go and download the child benefit and tax credit forms. If I fill in all the details but name and gender, I should be able to get them in the post on Wednesday...

{By the way, I must return my brother's favour, and mention his blog - "Ben's Bilingual Baby Blog" - especially good when the French is translated into English. (Although from the tone of today's post, it may be rather like arriving at the bonfire on 6th November.)}
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*actually, the spellcheck doesn't recognise this spelling. But then again, it doesn't recognise spellcheck either!

And so it begins...

[There will be a photo here, when I've worked out how]

As my brother (in Switzerland) has recently entered the land of blog in advance of the birth of his daughter, I thought we should do likewise in advance of the birth of our daughter/son, this coming Wednesday.

The reason for the specificity of the last piece of information is that for this particular pregnancy we will be using the method of extraction favoured by Julius Caesar's mother. Not through choice, mind you, but due to various antenatal complications suffered by my longsuffering spouse. The details are not really necessary here, but suffice it to say that she has visited the hospital at an ever increasing rate/week for the past few months, and has had more blood siphoned off in total than most of us are walking around with...

But I digress.

(Get used to it!)

For those who may accidentally stumble on this site, please see our profile to get up to speed on the who/what/when/why of us (but not too soon, as I haven't written it yet).

For those who know us, the 'news' is as follows:

- Libby is going into hospital on Wednesday to have the latest of our offspring removed from its current resting place
- Joshua has chicken pox (or "pickin' pox" as Bethany much more logically refers to it)
- Bethany does not have pickin' pox, and searches frequently and earnestly for "marks", so she too can join the club
- We are having a lazy Sunday, enjoying the peace of being able to have an afternoon nap (Libby, Joshua, Bethany) and being able to finish 'The Green Mile" mid-afternoon (Daniel).
- As Joshua is contagious we did Church at home this morning, which was fairly entertaining. Those purists among you will be glad to know that we didn't sing Joshua's choices of "Jingle Bells" and "Grease Lightning"!


Hopefully, when I have got to grips with the technology, this blog will be all singing, all dancing. To that end, I will now go and read the neverending FAQs/helps/hints that abound in this corner of cyberspace.

More anon...